To whom it may concern

My friends, I'm writing this blog for my own legal safety. When the authorities come to get me for child abuse, I know one of my friends or family will point them here to exonerate me. It began this month with the busted lip. Alex, I trust that you will write a statement about how it was simply a squabble between a couple of two year olds over a toy (no hard feelings, Lewis.)

Then, we took the boys to Rich's office. While there, Avery did one of his famous sliding three-pointers and got this beauty. I'm sure there were some witnesses in the lobby, other than my husband and other child, who will come foreword.

Here is the little beauty the day before Avery performed a scab removal ( I did a BIG icky dance when I finally found it). At this point, when people asked what happened, we were telling them that we'd finally had his horn removed. No more unicorn.
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And then he fell at McDonald's and got a huge bloody nose. I was getting food. I should have known when two girls frantically started asking an employee for napkins because of a bloody nose that the child belonged to me. I should have known it was Avery. Instead, I continued to calmly collect straws and napkins. Lucky for me, after I'm arrested, we can give them these pictures to show them what really happened.
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OK, so what really happened is that Noah took his opportunity to be artistic with an unattended camera. Oh well, SOMEBODY vouch for me??